1. |
Somewhere I'm Not
04:30
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the place I used to live has not disappeared
but I have only dreamed of it
and woken up in reach of someone I cannot kiss
then I practise saying your name
in the darkness to keep myself awake
as if I could stave off the day I will forget this
I keep clinging on to something I've already lost
and in fact never owned
now I'll walk into the ocean with my pockets full of stones
but I get home somehow
to find there's only sand falling from the creases in my hands
where do I go now?
I didn't think I'd get here so I didn't bother making any plans
the place I used to live has not disappeared
but I have only dreamed of it
and woken up asking if I still exist
there or anywhere outside my own flawed perception of myself
I just can't help spending days at a time
avoiding my own gaze dressed in disguise
why am I so afraid of simply being?
I keep clinging on to something I've already lost
and in fact never owned
now I'll walk into the ocean with my pockets full of stones
but I get home somehow
to find there's only sand falling from the creases in my hands
where do I go now?
I didn't think I'd get here so I didn't bother making any plans
the place I used to live has not disappeared
but I have
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2. |
Dead Bouquet
02:49
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she cuts my hair and we both scream
I couldn’t bear it any longer
I joke that it’s a piece of me
does she know I’m talking to her?
she reads the future on my palm
and tells me I’ll live long and happy
but when I reach out for her palm
she moves to button up her sleeve
isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? we don’t know how to play
isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? I prefer fortune cookies anyway
I miss the days we used to
stand on our step and discuss how
we promise we’ll quit smoking soon
but soon is far away from now
and spent our nights picking dead flowers
cos we hate parties we hate crowds
swing and laugh away
the things we can’t say out loud
isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? we don’t know how to play
isn’t it just a game? and we can start again
I know it isn’t a joke
but what can we do with our pain?
this is the way that we cope
isn’t it just a game?
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3. |
Ferris Wheel
02:33
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and I am watching as you kiss him in the middle of the road
as if this is television and as the credits roll
we'll fall back into our own lives where nothing ever happens
candy floss pink sky and all our tears were only acting
in truth we walk home drunk all holding hands and our imperfect lives
seem perfect for a second and I don't dare question why
now I am crying as you tell me about your summer
I am not helping, don't know how to, I've never felt younger
as if I fell back a decade when I realised the truth
the slogans I may shout in pubs are of no fucking use
life just keeps on happening year after year after year
and for whatever reason we found ourselves here
and I am laughing, you are laughing, we drank too much
you are laughing, I am laughing, as we queue up
oh so cinematic can't believe that this is real
I can't believe my heart has such capacity to feel
we don't know where we're going, what tomorrow will reveal
but for now we're laughing spinning on a ferris wheel
we are laughing
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4. |
See You Later
03:02
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this is the song I can’t write for you
this is a year that I’ve known the truth
this is the story I told myself
but couldn’t believe though I wanted to
this is whatever you mean to me
this is your name in my diary
that sits behind maps of the stars on my shelf
and watches my past lives sleep quietly
so I’ll blame it on fate
wrong time wrong place
or was it my mistake?
thinking I could escape
thought I could run away from my fears
convinced myself they would disappear
if I just hummed loudly and closed my eyes
but of course they all followed me here
this is the laugh I am listening for
waving to you outside my front door
I say I’ll miss you and realise
maybe I don’t really know you at all
so I’ll blame it on fate
wrong time wrong place
or I’ll blame it on pride
feelings we tried to hide
or I’ll blame it on you
took too long with the truth
or I’ll blame it on me
I’m sentimental and naive
and when there’s nothing left to blame
my heart still hurts the same
but I’m trying to move on
I’m not waiting for that song any more
this is the 23rd of July
I say see you later instead of goodbye
this is the relentless passage of time
and everything is fine
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5. |
Somewhere I Am
03:20
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I don’t need someone to make me feel safe
you made me feel brave
I am afraid of being alone but I know I already contain
all the things that I call a home
and I’m ready for you to forget me
there are no mountains in South London
yet I have known you as one
I’ve known you as a homemade fence, a playground swing
the night I lost my blue ribbon
and I’m ready for you to forget me
I have known you as my friend’s laughter
frustration and disaster
I have known you walking home after
another shit night out with my arm around her
and I’m ready for you to forget me
because actually life is long
and actually I am young
and I don’t think I quite know yet
what it means to love anyone
but I try to keep my heart soft
look up as I walk
notice where I am
think less and feel more
I have known you as I left you
clutching a seed in the palm of my hand
I once lived in you
now you live in me
and I live where I am
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Finn Butler UK
"This is terrible nonsense."
Finn Butler is speaking quietly into the void and calling it indie-folk.
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